Woke up and had the worst morning of my (recently converted to) Apple life. It started by rolling around bed, trying to hit the snooze button on the Sportscenter themed Blackberry wake up alarm. Still slightly hungover from Pinot Grigio, I notice my black MacBook laid lifelessly on my pillow. How did it get there? Did I fall asleep watching American Gangster youtube trailers again? Why does this stupid wheel keep spinning? Turn it off and on? What if I re-connect it the charger? Is this shit broken? Of course not. Mac's don't break or crash. They're like Chevy Trucks. I'll just wait it out.
I've come to the painful realization this laptop's not going to start. An Atlantic session starts at 12:30pm and all the music is trapped behind this power tripping digital beach ball. Mac's don't crash my ass...Pause! What the hell am I going to do? Call my assistant Sade! She can fix everything.
She gives me two options: Tristatetek on W. 35th Street and New York Computer Help on E.35th. The former turns out to be some hole in the wall mickey mouse operation. The office line is linked to the sole proprietors cell phone, and wants me to leave the laptop next door with his fashion designer neighbor. No one's even here! Needless to say, I supermanned into a yellow cab to NY Computer Help. Although this only turned out to be the lesser of two evils.
This guy is the real life 40-year-old virgin. Let's call him "Sam" for now. Him and his partner are in this 15 x 9 foot room covered floor to floor with computer parts. Sam tells me that my harddrive is shot and I need to leave it here with them. They'll charge me $85 per hour plus $135 for a new hard drive plus installation. Pay for it now? They'll "hear none of it. Just leave it here Mr. Medford, we'll call you before noon with all the information. You'll definitely have it back today. Just make sure you go to the Mac Store and get a OS Tiger system." All smiles between Sam and I.
I decided to buy an external hard drive so this doesn't happen again. The problem is no one in PC Richards seems to want my business. They're all trying to sell higher priced items like cameras and laptops. There are literally no salespeople on the 2nd floor, which is the size of a basketball court. I walked around begging, pleading and threatening employees to open up the glass hard drive case. Finally a security guard has pity and gets me the My Book. When I tell the cashier that it's crazy for their to be no employees upstairs, she hands me a job application. I get the hell out of there and grab a yellow to Prince and Greene.
I'm at the restaurant where I spend roughly 6% of my life, The Coffee Shop, when it hits me: Sam still hasn't called. Surely he's been too pre-occupied getting my files back to call. So I'll give him a ring. "Hey Randall, everything is good. Though you won't get back any of my files. For that, you'll need to pay an extra $150 for it to go into the lab. From there they'll tell me what's wrong and charge me between $1400-$2000. Or more." WTF?! Lunch is over. Flying back to East 35th Street before these guys try and stick me up.
Sam calmly explains that it took 30 minutes to install the hard drive. Sam then offers to install the OS Tiger Mac software for me. Right before I gave him my credit card, I realized they're trying to charge me $85 an hour to install a CD. When I decide to install it myself, he tells me the hard drive installation took 2 hours and my bill is over $300. After some clever negotiation ("I'm not paying for no 2 hours! You said 30!"), Sam and I come to a reasonable compromise. It's off to the studio.
I arrive at SMT Studios and of course the writer's running late. And now my CD drive won't work, so I can't install the software. In the studio laptop-less, music-less and write-less, I call Sade. She tells me about Tek Serve. They charge me $269.95 for a new CD drive including installation. I can pick it up at 8pm. Tek Serve offers to install the OS Tiger system for $5o extra. But I already paid $129.99 for the disk at the Mac Store. I tell Tek Serve yes and decided to handle my issues with the Prince & Greene later. My will is broken.
What they didn't say is that the store closes AT 8pm. Now this punk ass $9 a hour security guard wont let me in. He keeps pointing at the sign that says "9am-8pm". Then super cop closes the gate. I walk back to the studio dejected. But this fight isnt over, Apple. I'll see you an 9am!
10:22am, Friday October 12th 2007
Sade informs me that Tek Serve doesn't allow pick ups until 10am. I walk in there defeated, tired and $600-$700 in the hole. I just want my laptop. They give it to me without any programs or files. It's like getting your child back, only for her to have amnesia. I hop the F train uptown 3 stops to the office. Got to figure out a way to refund this software, even though it's been opened it already.
I stroll around the Mac Store looking for revenge. Armed with a jeans jacket, Yankee fitted and some Burberry dunks, I look for the weakest salesperson. I flirt with a cute puerto rican floor person, who says she cant help me but introduces me to the assistant manager. The assistant manager says it's "against store policy to return open software". I politely ask to speak to his superior. One rule of life: never take a no to someone who can't say yes. He introduces me to "Ari", the boss hog outlaw of Prince Street. Ari reiterates Apple's policy. My only counter is "I don't understand" 35 times in a row.
"You cant return open software" "I don't understand" "We have no way of telling if it's used or not" "I don't understand" "You have to take this up with corporate" "I don't understand" "It says it on your receipt" "Well Ari, what would you do if you were me?" "I don't know" "You're sayign I should sell it on eBay" "Not legally" "But I can legally sell it?" "I can't say that" "Well what should I do?" "Ok fine! Take my card and tell them I said it's ok"
Name: Sickamore Home: Broooooooooklyn, New York, United States About Me: 23 Year Old Talent Manager + Ageist. Runs ThankGodImFamous, GoOldHead and The Famous Firm. Overall sarcastic yet nice guy See my complete profile